Just spent the last half hour crying, (some of that spent in the car on my way to soccer) and will likely spend the next 90 minutes trying not to.
I've been so tired lately. Just so tired. And I think I've figured out the root of that exhaustion.
I'm lonely.
My best friends are 8-12 hours away, one of them makes me feel like a burden whenever I try to talk to her and I'm just lonely. I just need a really big hug.
I need human contact. I relish the hand holding and the hugs and the leaning on each other when tired. I love it. I need it. I crave it.
And not having my best friends here with me hurt. I feel left behind. And I'm not putting this on them at all, that's just how I feel. They went off to college and they have these awesome new roommates and jobs so they have an income and they're busy with all that. But here I am. Same as always. Go to school, come home, get on the computer, sleep, repeat. I can't even get a job.
I can't even make friends because no one gets me. I'll make a joke, and I get the look. And I want my best friends back. And I feel horrible for that. I feel like a terrible person for even thinking that.
I'm just lonely. And I want a hug.
But instead, I get to go spend the next 90 minutes at soccer practice, acting like I'm okay and not hurting on the inside.
Edit at 8:03: On of the girls on my team, Ashlynn, is the best person in the world, and has a 6th sense of when I'm feeling horrible. The wonderful woman brought me a Pumpkin Spice Latte. And made me cry because she is so amazing and she just knows.
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